To My Never-Born Child

To my child who I lost. 

To the hope that will forever remain unfulfilled. 

To the space I held inside of me where the light never entered. 

Pure mystery unmanifest. 

I see you.

I hold you in your nothingness.

I bow down to the ebb and flow of source.

I feel the ache of life abandoned. 

The stripping away too soon. 

Exposed, raw. 

All hope betrayed.

I felt so small for so long.

I yearned for expansion.

I prayed.

I blessed.

I did ritual and lit candles and sent spells into the ether. 

I opened

I received

I welcomed the light. 

Elated. 

Sanguine.

Then, with one swift blow, 

I was brought to my knees.

Robbed, ripped apart.

I ache at the thought of holding you in my arms. 

A dream unmanifest. 

Dashed away from the realm of tangible.

I mourn your unlived life, the life I had hoped for you.

Perhaps we weren’t meant to walk this life’s journey together.

If so, I hope to meet you in another realm, 

to connect in a different form at another time and place.

I keep my heart open to you. 

May our paths cross. 

May we feel our connection fulfilled

Even if only for a brief moment of recognition, 

A burst of wisdom,

A spark of knowing.

May the veil part for a moment so I may recognize you. 

I will look for you. 

Until then, I hold you in my heart. 

I honor your presence however brief. 

I hold your fleeting existence in my psyche and soma. 

You are a fuel that has ignited my transformation. 

The loss, a chrysalis that melted and reformed me as I morphed into a new self.

Instead of birthing you, I was able to birth myself anew.

You live on inside me. 

Immortal. 

Your life gave me life. 

I honor you by sharing the light you helped me see. 

We are forever in each other’s service.