Sorrow, Despair & Moving On

Sorrow, Despair & Moving On

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I know the darkness of despair. I know the bottom of the well of sorrow; I know its endless depths.

I know the surging pull of heartache. The rushing rage of misfortune. 

The overwhelming feeling of being drowned in sadness. The gasping of breath as its arms drag you under.

I know the pain of lost hopes, of feeling robbed; hope and possibility stolen away.

I also know the strength and resiliency that holds up within me.

I have been through enough pain and trauma to know, with unwavering faith, that I will not break or shatter beyond repair. No matter what, I will always be able to create a new wholeness. One that may not be recognizable now, but that will come together to form the new me that is waiting in darkness, the me that will once again emerge into light.

I know my resiliency. I know the light within me will prevail.

And as such, I know I can allow myself this intense desire to feel - to really feel this moment. To let the pain seep in my veins and grip at my heart. To let the rushing waves of sorrow wash over me. I know the tide will eventually turn and I will wind up washed ashore in some state of ruin. I know I will stand up and catalogue the damage and move on. 

I trust my strength to move on. 

So, for now, let me be in the ocean of despair. Let me feel so I know I am still alive. Let me feel so I know my heart is still forcing the course of blood within me.

Thank goodness for my body. Thank goodness for its ability to go on functioning while all focus is elsewhere. Thank goodness for my beating heart. Thank goodness for my automatic breath. That is how I will get through this.

The heart goes on beating. The waters continue to flow. The flowers still burst forth from darkness. The birds join in faithful song. The sun warms the earth. The moon continues her trustful cycles. 

Thank goodness for our cycles of birth and death. 

Thank goodness for this life that we can feel so much and we can experience so much pain and heartache and still be able to continue on. 

I don’t wish heartache on anyone but I also know it is vital to our expression of hope, to our capacity for gratitude, to our ability to marvel with awe at the natural world. 

May we all hold within us an unwavering trust that we can and will carry on.

I am here. God, I am fucking here. 

I am aware. 

I am more alive than I have ever been. 

Thank goodness.